When it comes to change, we speak a lot about how people avoid change and how hard it is to accept that change is inevitable, a constant. Nothing remains the same and life is constantly in flux. Who you were this morning is not exactly who you are when you climb into bed this evening. Life has happened to you and on that note, you are not a noun-a stagnant thing in space. Rather, you are a verb, an action, a constant doing even though you may experience yourself as a ‘thing’.
Change occurs all the time but in varying degrees and intensities. The little changes we don’t really pay that much attention to but when the big changes occur such as an ending of a relationship, starting a new job, or moving cities, we stand up and pay attention. These types of changes are the changes we struggle to manage because they require uncertainty, adjustment, vulnerability, and settling into a new rhythm of life. What is interesting about the big life changes is that they are often perceived as moves towards self-development. In our goal orientated society, they are generally not only socially acceptable, but a necessity should you want to live a life worth living. It seems that constantly having your eye on the next promotion, relationship milestone, travel plans and so on, is generally approved of and not often questioned.
However, I have begun to wonder around what drives the need to constantly create big change as opposed to sitting still and allowing life to percolate and being open to what may arise in time. Making choices, creating change, actively moving towards actualization is empowering until it is not. Being truly empowered means that movement towards actualization is motivated by the desire to live in integrity not by fear and avoidance. This idea rests on the bedrocks of trust and patience. What will happen if you sit still and be curious? What might blossom from stillness and possible boredom? What if nothing happens? What if life just passes me by? These are valid concerns if ‘no-action’ is driven by complacency and fear but not so much if you cannot sit still for an extended period of time. In fact, sitting still in this case would essentially be the change required.
The problem with attempting to jumpstart change is the intent behind the compulsion. I have mentioned difficulties with trust and patience but there may be an element of avoidance pre-empting premature change. Big change comes with a lot of life admin, possible chaos, and generally much external and internal busyness. Constant change is a fantastic distraction from ourselves. The pull towards constant change may also be habit. Big upheavals create chaos and instability and if we grew up in homes where chaos was the norm than it would make sense that we may gravitate to that which we are familiar with. Stability might be experienced as boring, and you might find yourself feeling trapped and stagnant, neither of which feel pleasant. So, it makes sense that you wouldn't want to sit with these sticky emotions. Why does sitting still feel this way? The question to ask is why do you feel trapped and when you turn your awareness towards these experiences with curiosity and compassion, what do you discover? It is important to remember that wanting change and feeling alive when things are in flux is neither good nor bad. The idea here is to discover what drives the need and to allow yourself the option of choice as opposed to acting from a place of fear and/or habit.
